Sentimental Valium

Decisions....

What I hate most is how often my decisions end up affecting other people in negative ways. We don't operate or live in isolated bubbles. Everything I do (or don't do) affects people. I don't struggle with the stuff that seems to have direct ramifications in my own life as much as the ones that I am worried will radically impact other people.

I have no idea if I'm making the right decisions these days. I hope I haven't screwed up.

I'm sorry....

posted by -tr0y- @ 3:14 PM

Currently playing: "I Disappear" by The Faint. (For those who like alt-electronica...this is a must-have recording!!)

My access to the internet continues to be both an adventure and a disappointment. Now along with not having internet capabilities in my home, I'm struggling with the wireless card in my computer. So I'm unable to get online even when I'm out of my house. I've tried 4 or 5 times now to jump online at various coffee shops and I've left frustrated each time. Sorry for those who have been stopping by semi-regularly--I'm trying to provide something as often as I can...

OK--you have to visit this website: http://www.bikerfox.com/foxphotos2/
I can't even begin to tell you about it--just go there and try to take it all in.

I've been watching some interesting movies lately--I've been in that kind of mood. I watched (again) "Super-Size Me" and was disturbed at deep levels. I'm not sure I could follow through with that kind of an experiment. Though it's one I believe in, I just don't think I could do it. I was glad to see an interview with Eric Schlosser in the extra features section of the DVD. Schlosser wrote a book a few years ago called "Fast Food Nation" that completely screwed up my life. For close to a year I didn't have one single thing from a fast food joint. His book is funny and gross--almost always on the same page. It was cool to see the two of them interacting about their research and experiences.

I also watched "Eternal Sunshine" three times in the past week. I connect with a lot of that movie! I love Kauffman's films anyway, but there was something about this one that has stuck with me.... Sorry if you've not seen it, but what follows is one of my favorite moments, so scroll down or something... There's this spot towards the end, when they are sitting on the steps at the beach when they Clem says to Joel something about it being over and asks what they should do. It's a time of desperation and panic--who wouldn't be worried and worked up. And his response is what I want to revolve my life around: "I don't know--sit here and enjoy it." (Sorry if it's not exactly that... Someone is sure to correct me, but that's the tone of it anyway.) I want to be that way--panic less and learn to enjoy right now more. I also feel a little like Joel in the movie in the way he interacts with females... Made me smile--and I think I blushed a little bit too actually.

Two other worthy-to-watch movies. "Seeing Other People" is a Sundance movie that I had heard about. I don't love Jay Mohr as an actor, but this was a good role. There are some recognizable people in this film and some themes that so many of us can relate to. A good ending--happy but not perfect. Also check out "2 Days." Great idea for a movie--not everyone will like the film itself, but the attempt is noble and unique.

Halloween was fun--I was hoping to have pics ready but I haven't received them yet. c@it's idea was a great one--I went as Blue Man Group--people laughed and I enjoyed putting that crap all over my head. As I was finishing up the blue face, I said something out loud to my friend Josh that I have never said before: "I wish I would have bought some lipstick." As soon as I get the pics back, I'll try to figure out how to post some.

THIS FAINT RECORD IS UNREAL!! I can't stop listening--I think this is the third time through today. (That last sentence is an impressive usage of the letter "T")

I need to eat. I leave you with three suggestions:

1. Get The Faint's new record "Wet From Birth"
2. Watch "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind"
3. Read "Status Anxiety"

And say happy birthday to my sister--she's a year older tomorrow.

posted by -tr0y- @ 5:02 PM