Sentimental Valium

Since getting back from CA, I worked two pretty long days, trying to catch up on email and phone calls. On Wednesday, I headed with a handful of guys to Chicago to do some music and then was back in the office Thursday afternoon. Friday morning, I took off for Indy, where I am now, spending time with the family.

Saturday went golfing with Chad and Danny and went to my brother's fire academy graduation. Sunday went swimming at my sister's apartment complex and then made dinner together as a family: grilled italian sausage, corn and vegetables; boiled potatoes, sausage, shrimp and lobster tails. It truly was a feast. Today, Monday, got up and played with the cute twins and read for a couple hours.

Most people know I'm not much of a tv watcher, but I am in LOVE with the show 30 Days. It's on FX and is created by Morgan Spurlock, the guy who made Super Size Me. If you've not seen it, try to catch one of the re-runs this summer. We are watching a tivo-ed episode now, the series premiere, and I am convinced it's my favorite show in a long time. (Not outdone by The Simpsons or any Top 50 or 100 list that VH1 or E! show. I have to know what is the Most Awesomely Bad Break-Up Song Ever!)

I don't love being in the car, but it was a good 4 1/2 hour drive down here. I listened to a ton of songs and drove for about an hour in silence. For about 3 hours, I didn't need to use the accelerator–hallelujah for cruise control. There has been a lot of traveling in the past two weeks and although I love it, I'm ready for a break. I'm ready to sit at home for a weekend and be lazy.

I decided a while back to be less "revealing" in my posts–there are some people I badly want to share my life with and I decided these posts weren't the best places for that. However, there's something I've been thinking about that might actually "help" people. When I got off the plane from LA, I started to feel something, but I couldn't quite understand it. When I pulled into my driveway, got inside, and started unpacking, whatever I was feeling started to grow. That night, as I was laying in bed, I got it. I realized that I just got back from a week away and no one noticed. I was sad and afraid that no one missed me when I was gone. I had this paranoid feeling that I was insignificant; didn't matter.

I had this pretty lonely couple days right after that. I struggled with the idea that I haven't been able to meet someone (at least not in the past 8 months or so) who I was both attracted to and genuinely interested in. I have met females who elicit one of the other from me, but not both. I get into these times when I'm worried that I won't ever find that person–I worry that I'm not just lonely, but really alone.

But I'm not. I have fantastic friends and a great family. There are people who "miss" me and think that I matter. And I want to believe that's true for all of us, no matter how strongly we want to disagree. I'm trying to remind myself there's a difference between being single and being alone. For the couple of other people that I know read this and often have similar thoughts, let me do my part to extend the same kind of reminder to you. You matter.

In Klosterman's book, he wrote "I will never understand why I need to write about the events that other people merely experience..particularly when the things I write are often things I would never say." I love that and, like him, don't understand it....

I'm almost finished with The Giver by Lois Lowry. It was given to me for this trip and I've been sucked in!

Be looking in the near future for a new "music blog" that I'm brainstorming and will be asking a few people to be part of. A couple people have asked lately about the now-defunct "Music Snob Blog" that c@it and I were part of. It's no more–it rarely had posts and we weren't convinced the "demand" was all that great. Something else is brewing inside this glabrous head of mine though. Details to come.

posted by -tr0y- @ 11:55 AM