Sentimental Valium

Currently playing: "Spank-a-lee" by Herbie Hancock.

You know how it feels when you suddenly have an hour where you don't have anything to do? Like when class is cancelled or someone tells you they can't see you until later.... You know the kind of thing, right? Well I have that now--only my "hour" ends up being 3 days. I was supposed to do some music for a conference and it was cancelled late this morning. It's bittersweet though. I was looking forward to the money, time with Amish Aaron and a few Chicago friends--not to mention I'm stuck with a van I had to rent and can't really use--but still have to pay for!! The positives are that I can do whatever I want for the next 3 days that I didn't think I would have. So I'm sitting at the coffee shop and plan to spend quite a while here. I have laundry to do and I'm sure there are other things to clean.... Instead, I am turning back to my natural blogging ways.

I've been inspired by my friend That lately and his blog. This is a place we should all visit at least once a day. His "Daily Installment" is not just a clever name--it's accurate. As a matter of fact, Thad has been posting a couple times a day!! It's been impressive. This is one of the most useful blogs I've come across. Not only does Thad listen to great music, but he knows how to get a hold of great FREE music!! So check him out.

My friend Courtney hooked me up with something today that I have to share. For those fans of David Letterman and Napoleon Dynamite, this will be a fantastic experience. You will need Windows Media to see this video.

Currently playing: "A Question For Emily Foreman" by Of Montreal.

Best wishes to Katie right now--she had her appendix removed this morning.

You ever have that experience where you hear a song you have listened to a billion times and realize that you just heard it for the first time? (Are rhetorical questions on a blog absolutely idiotic?) I was listening to the iPod last night, trying to fall asleep, when I heard one of those songs. I think I have decided that Gilbert O'Sullivan's song "Alone Again (Naturally)" is one of the saddest songs I have ever heard!! Now I listen to a lot of sad music--so to say something like that is dangerous. Read and decide for yourself....

Oh in a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
Will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to whoever
What it's like when you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying 'My God
that's tough--she's stood him up!
No point in us remainig
We may as well go home'
As I did on my own
Alone again naturally.

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerrful, bright and gay
Looking forward to well, who wouldn't do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much
As a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt,
Talk about God in his mercy who if
He really does exist
Why did he desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again naturally.

It seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do
What do we do
Alone again naturally.

Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Wever wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul
Couldn't understand why
The only man she had ever loved had been taken
So badly broken despite
Encouragemant from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again naturally.

That song has officially been added to my "cover list" and I plan to debut my inaugural performance soon. The challenge is to take it out of the "Dad Rock" sound and give it a little more modern edge. Either way, this is a killer song so do whatever you need to get it.

More later....

Exit music: "What's In It For Me" by The Walkmen.

posted by -tr0y- @ 1:04 PM

I've been making my way through a book by Ethan Watters called Urban Tribes: Are Friends The New Family. It's been up and down for me--I loved the intro and the first two chapters. Unfortunately, the book seems too defensive. Instead of "holding up" the never-married lifestyle (?) as a viable way to live, it seems to be responding to negative press. It's like the boy I knew in elementary school who never had anything to say about "The A Team" until someone said that it sucked. (And we all know that it DIDN'T!!!!) Anyway, I thought I would share a few of the quotes/passages that have me thinking...

The pop-cultural debate about trends that occurs on television and radio feeds off bad news. This is because it's far easier to be pessimistic in short bursts than it is to be optimistic.

There was a growing sense among us that our postcollege/prefamily life was stretching into an awfully long time--five, ten, almost fifteen years for some--and that maybe we had missed a turn somewhere.

In their love lives, they suffered through two-year cycles that went from singleness to crush to relationship to heartbreak and back to singleness. We absolved ourselves from these failures by believing that we just hadn't met the right person. Hope springs eternal with romantic desire, and that "right person" excuse was easy for us to accept as individuals.

[there is] only one category of singleness that seemed like it might be a truly crushing burden: the single person who lacked not only a romantic partner but a supportive social group as well.

After so many years of singleness, it was becoming increasingly difficult to look myself in the mirror and believe that I was capable of true love. The women I dated were smart, charming and attractive. There was only one constant variable in all those failures--me. That stark fact would sometimes keep me awake late into the night ... But in the light of day, to believe such a thing about yourself is difficult. The human animal is remarkably adept at seeing itself as the hero, no matter what the story. When we act badly or fail, our brains work to supply us with all the exemptions and rationales we need to turn the moral of the story on its head. Certain excuses were easy: I dropped the ball because the sun was in my eyes. However, when you've dropped every ball that's ever come your way, you have to be more creative in your excuses.

I really don't like ice skating. There is some kind of silliness coming here to GR soon--I noticed it being advertised today. So gross. We're also going to be blessed by "Red, White and Crue"--the newest tour of Motley Crue. These events are making Josh Groban's upcoming appearance look like a "can't miss."

Speaking of superstars, I realized a little while ago that I'm missing the first night of "American Idol." It's the best night of that show and I've missed it. I've been watching way too much tv lately! I've felt kind of lazy and not like doing much and that's turned into the default activity... That has to change!

I need to buy a watch. I've noticed lately that my internal clock isn't as accurate--I'm blaming it on the sun being hidden behind the clouds, not allowing my Native American tendencies to shine through....

I got a $5 parking ticket. I was about 15 minutes late at the meter.

Maybe I should post less. Doing this every day is proving how uneventful my life really is. These posts are proving less and less interesting. Today's highlight was my struggle to remove my body from the hot tub. I finally felt like my core temperature was back to normal when I was in there. It didn't even bother me when I thought about the old guys who were in there with me, probably without pants.

Bothers me now though.

That seems like an appropriate thought to close with--naked geriatrics.

posted by -tr0y- @ 7:10 PM

I AM A BLOGGING MACHINE!!

Not a lot to report.

Painfully cold day.
I've had the equivalent of 1304 cups of coffee.
I've developed two separate fever blisters on my lips--one upper and one lower. Opposite corners. Happens all the time I'm afraid.
I can't really remember any dreams from last night. Had a horrific night of sleep--that might have something to do with it.
I had a huge gyro for lunch. I've not been hungry since.
I love cucumber sauce!
c@it had sushi today and I'm insanely jealous.
I've gone through so much Carmex today! Cursed lips....
I have been noticing today how many people yawn in public without covering their mouths. It's sort of... sort of gross actually.

Coffee shop is closing. Time to close.

I hate how I hear "Closing Time" by Semisonic every time any phrase even close to that is said.

"You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

posted by -tr0y- @ 8:31 PM

No music currently playing. I think my life is too loud lately. I'm struggling to actually gather my thoughts.

That said, I have been listening to Say Hi To Your Mom a lot lately. There is something about that band.... I connect with the "quirky" nature of the songs and the delivery. It's also a unique punk/electronic hybrid instrumentally. That might not be the most accurate way to describe it, but the point is that I really love it. (I'll get you the records c@it!!)

I've posted a new review on the music snob blog. It seems both the interest in writing and reading it is pretty low. Yet, I refuse to let it die. I might be inviting a couple other people to join up and see if that brings some of the needed life and energy to it. Let me know if you're interested.

I'm thinking I might be in another of those "purging" seasons. A couple of my friendships seem to be splintering and more distance is developing all the time. The struggle becomes how hard to fight to keep things going. I mean, how self-centered does this sound: "I have a lot in my life that needs a lot of energy and investment. I want to make sure I'm putting myself into the kinds of situations that are going to be worth it." Does that sound really krass? I'm worried that two of these situations are just going to keep declining and eventually sputter into nothing. When do you, metaphorically speaking, decide to just "pull the plug?" And in this case, does that decision need to be made by both people involved? In these cases, I have no idea if the other person wants to keep investing in our friendship or not....

I'm convinced that I over-analyze things. I'm not going to be convinced that these thoughts are no big deal.

I had a dream that I was out fishing with Tommy Lee from Motley Crue last night. Me and fishing. Me and Tommy Lee. Not sure which is more bizarre.

I can't read a book when I'm laying on my left side. I can never get comfortable. I always have to lay on my right side. Even laying on my back is cumbersome for me when it's time to read. I realized it last night when I couldn't sleep but wasn't cognizant enough to actually comprehend anything I read.

I read every single night before I can sleep.
I wake up 3-6 times every night and get out of bed.
I have slept on my couch for 2 weeks straight.

No wonder I'm having these tripped out dreams lately. My sleep habits suck!

My sleep habits have always sucked.

posted by -tr0y- @ 11:00 AM